For
more information about the topic of marriage and family, check
out Bob Yandian’s, dynamic teachings, “Home
Again”, “Wisdom
for the Family” and “Raising
Godly Kids in an Ungodly World”
This is a fantastic question. With divorce and other family issues
being so prevalent in society today, this type of question will
become more and more relevant.
To start off, let’s consider this question: Is there an
example of step children in the Bible? The answer is ABSOLUTELY!
You and I and everyone that has ever accepted Jesus is a step child.
We were born into Adam, born into a family of darkness. But by
the work of Jesus, God has adopted us into his family (Ephesians
1:5). So, technically speaking, we are God’s step children.
How does God connect with His children? I believe He connects with
us the way a natural father connects with his children: by providing
for their needs, by spending quality time with them, and most importantly,
by loving them.
Any natural parent faces the same questions—how do I connect
with my children and gain their respect? But with step children
there is another factor which can make it more difficult. However,
that does not change the answer: you must love them, spend quality
time with them, and provide for their needs, just the same as if
they were your biological children.
But there’s also another factor. You must discipline them.
Hebrews 12:6 says that God disciplines those He loves, and that
He punishes everyone He accepts as a son. But there’s a key
point to make here. It’s called a love bank. When you have
an account at a bank, you can’t withdraw more than you’ve
deposited. If you do, there’s trouble ahead. You must make
a deposit before you make a withdrawal. The same is true with people,
and therefore with children and step children. Discipline is a
withdrawal. So many times we think the way to earn a child’s
respect is to be a stern disciplinarian. Parents and step parents
need to discipline, but that bank must be filled with love. Spend
quality time with them. Give them compliments. Recognize them when
they do right; don’t just get onto them when they do wrong.
Keep their love bank full, but discipline them when it is called
for. Children (and this applies when they are teens and twenties,
too) respect people who respect them. When they know you genuinely
care, they will respect you, and you will be able to connect with
them.
Thanks for the great question.
Robb Yandian - bio
Youth Director
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